Many couples like to have children participate in their ceremony – usually as a flower girl or ring bearer. These are either children of friends or family members, or the couple’s own children. There’s nothing cuter than a young child walking down the aisle throwing out flowers. If the child is very young ─ 5 or younger ─ they often don’t have a clue about what’s going on, which is both charming and funny.


This works well if it’s handled right. Young children are better off if they are held by the hand. There should always be a designated adult to bring the child to their seat after the child’s “job” is over. But what’s most important is that the adult be instructed to remove the child from the room or outdoor setting if the child gets unruly or otherwise disrupts the ceremony.


That’s what didn't happen at a wedding I performed a couple of weeks ago. The ring bearer was an 11 year-old boy who was autistic. He was in high spirits as he skipped down the aisle throwing out flowers. Problem was those high spirits continued throughout the entire ceremony. He yelled, “Take my picture!” and jumped in front of the photographers who were trying to take pictures of the bride and groom. He continued this loud, disruptive behavior throughout the entire ceremony.


The problem was that both his mother and father were in the wedding party and, therefore, were standing next to the bride and groom at the front of the room. Neither had designated an adult the child knew to remove him from the room, if necessary.


I felt awful but there really was nothing I could do but carry on. I didn't feel it was appropriate for me to ask his parents to have him removed from the room, but someone should have. It ruined a lovely ceremony for a lovely couple who had worked hard with me to craft a unique ceremony.
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When couples wish to stomp a glass at the end of their ceremony, I always suggest using a light bulb wrapped in a napkin instead because a light bulb is easy to break and makes a nice “popping” sound. Recently, I performed a wedding where my point was proven.

About a week or so before the wedding, the bride’s mother called to tell me that she had found on the internet a glass specifically made for this ritual. It came in a velvet bag so the groom could stomp on it in the bag and the fragments could be kept as a memento.

Next the bride called. She’s Jewish, he’s not. She explained that since the custom is associated with Judaism, her fiancé preferred not to stomp on the glass. She asked if it would be OK if she did so. I told her that there was nothing written in stone as to who could or could not stomp on the glass it would be fine.

[Note: breaking a glass is a Jewish ritual which goes back to the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem. These days people who aren't  Jewish often like to include it in their ceremony simply because it’s a nice, dramatic ritual. In these cases I use an interpretation which is that a broken glass cannot be mended and thus reflects the permanence of marriage.]  

So the moment comes in the ceremony where the glass is to be broken. I place the glass on the floor in front of the bride. First problem: because the bride’s gown reaches the floor she can’t see her feet. So she lifts up her gown. Second problem: she is, of course, wearing high heels. Trying to stomp on a glass with high heels is virtually impossible ─ it just rolls away. She finally is able to get the glass underfoot and tries to break it with the sole of her shoe. Nothing doing. It won’t break. 

By now the glass is rolling all over the floor and the audience is beginning to laugh. Soon the bride, groom and entire wedding party join in the laughter. In desperation I tell the groom that he is the only other person who can break the glass and he has to stomp on it. He does so. The glass still won’t break. Finally the bride’s mother picks up the glass and, with the rest if the wedding party, joins the recessional. 

I could have said, “I told you so,” but, as it turns out, it became one of the highlights of the ceremony!
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I just performed my first transcontinental wedding. I’ve performed weddings in many venues and circumstances but this was a new one. The couple is originally from Slovenia. He’s an American citizen and she isn’t – yet. But being married to an American speeds the process along. Their relatives in Slovenia couldn’t afford to come to the U.S. for the wedding. The couple plans to have a big (mock) wedding in Slovenia after she becomes a citizen. So they decided to have the wedding performed at their house and let their families watch via Skype. 


I didn't know about this until I was there and saw the 2 year-old daughter of groom’s sister-in-law standing in front of a computer chatting with her grandparents. The little girl doesn’t speak English yet – she’s learning it in school ─ so she was chatting away in Slovenian, turning around to show her grandparents  her new dress, holding up one leg to show them her new shoes.


I still wasn’t aware the wedding was going to be broadcast across the Atlantic until the couple put two computers on a table, so both sets of parents could watch, and faced them towards the bride, groom and me. Fortunately, I wasn’t asked to perform the ceremony in Slovenian. My Slovenian is kind of rusty :)


The ceremony went flawlessly. Afterwards, they celebrated with a toast of some kind of liquor, which I was offered. I took one sip. Bad idea. After ten minutes the burning in my throat had lessened enough so I could speak and beg off finishing the glass because I had to drive home.



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