Many couples like to have children participate in their ceremony – usually as a flower girl or ring bearer. These are either children of friends or family members, or the couple’s own children. There’s nothing cuter than a young child walking down the aisle throwing out flowers. If the child is very young ─ 5 or younger ─ they often don’t have a clue about what’s going on, which is both charming and funny.


This works well if it’s handled right. Young children are better off if they are held by the hand. There should always be a designated adult to bring the child to their seat after the child’s “job” is over. But what’s most important is that the adult be instructed to remove the child from the room or outdoor setting if the child gets unruly or otherwise disrupts the ceremony.


That’s what didn't happen at a wedding I performed a couple of weeks ago. The ring bearer was an 11 year-old boy who was autistic. He was in high spirits as he skipped down the aisle throwing out flowers. Problem was those high spirits continued throughout the entire ceremony. He yelled, “Take my picture!” and jumped in front of the photographers who were trying to take pictures of the bride and groom. He continued this loud, disruptive behavior throughout the entire ceremony.


The problem was that both his mother and father were in the wedding party and, therefore, were standing next to the bride and groom at the front of the room. Neither had designated an adult the child knew to remove him from the room, if necessary.


I felt awful but there really was nothing I could do but carry on. I didn't feel it was appropriate for me to ask his parents to have him removed from the room, but someone should have. It ruined a lovely ceremony for a lovely couple who had worked hard with me to craft a unique ceremony.
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